WHAT AM I EATING THIS WEEK?

Veg edition, as a friend from the East is visiting and noms only things that have not inhaled oxygen.

First veggie is a dish my mom frequently makes. Eggplant & green pepper fried w/ sesame seed oil; in the last few seconds (with low heat) add 3 tbsp of miso, 1.5 tbsp of sugar and 1.5 tbsp of mirin.

Then there’s my favourite couscous salad w/ the regular grape tomatoes, feta cheese, & steamed asparagus. This time I added canned & sliced black olives. A GOOD LIFE CHOICE.

OMG. And. Maple glazed salmon. Maple syrup, soy sauce, garlic, & pepper marinade. Baked for 20 mins w/ onion, green onion, mushrooms, parsley, and some zucchini.

& dessert! One entire bushel(?) of potatoes only amounted to two heaping plates of potato chips. (So this is why people buy them pre-made!)

But I took licky’s advice from earlier today and dipped the newly-made potato chippies in chocolate! IT IS DELICIOUS.

I am now too tired to eat anything.

Get drunk + feed your damn self for a week: a recipe in ten convoluted steps

I have a SERIOUS stew recipe for all 2 followers of my blog. It involves 1 bottle of wine (in the stew), and 3 stovetop burners. It’s a combination of this recipe and No Frills opening kinda near my house (thereby forcing me to buy all the foods). 

I’m going to compile the list of ingredients at the bottom. I’m reticent to put them at the top, as someone might just go and buy the ingredients without realizing how poor of a communicator I am.

STEP ONE:

PROCURE A COW’S SHOULDER. This is also called “beef chuck shoulder roast” or “chuck shoulder pot roast”. There’s no shame in not knowing that. If you have a smartphone, you may find it useful at the store in figuring out what words mean what part of the cow body. I don’t have a smartphone, this is just a suggestion.

CUT UP THAT SHOULDER MEAT. 2 inch blocks, whatever.

COAT THAT SHOULDER MEAT IN SALT AND PEPPER. I put them on the cutting board and emulated Emeril (I’m a loser). DROP THOSE SPICED SHOULDER BITS INTO SOME FLOUR and coat ‘em up.

STEP TWO:

HEAT UP A REAL BIG PAN. Put in 1/4 cup EVOO and 3 tbsp butter. Melt it bla bla bla. SHAKE OFF EXCESS FLOUR FROM SHOULDER BITS + SHOVE EM IN THE PAN. Only one layer. Brown ‘em on all sides, then toss ‘em aside in some other pot.

STEP THREE: 

POUR ONE BOTTLE OF DRY RED WINE INTO THAT REAL BIG PAN. Do what I did and buy one of those 1.5 litre bottles, so you can share between the stew and yourself. It’s nice to share!

STEP FOUR: 

Pour yourself a glass of wine I mean seriously.

STEP FIVE: 

SET UP SOME SPICES:
8 fresh thyme sprigs - I just used thyme spice in a jar, whatever.
6 garlic cloves, smashed - if you don’t have a garlic press I’m surprised you’ve made it this far
3 strips of zest from an orange - just peel the damn thing
1/4 teaspoon ground cloves - if your roommate has some, he won’t notice if you steal this
2 bay leaves - these actually make a difference
2 1/2 cups beef stock - don’t be a jerk. get something with 6 or fewer ingredients.

STEP SIX: 

DROP IN ALL THE THINGS I MENTIONED PREVIOUSLY and follow these ridiculous instructions that I blindly trust: make it boil, then make it simmer (uncovered for ~15 - 20 mins), then cover and cook on low heat for 2 hours.

STEP SEVEN: 

THINGS I PUT IN MY STEW THAT TASTE GOOD: 
* 1.5 lbs of carrots - peel these. It’s better for the softness of the delicious carrots — and don’t be naiive, these things were not grown in a healthy soil. Protect ya neck.
* Like, a bag of small potatoes - cut in half. Peel these, too! 
* 1 lb white mushrooms, chopped up.
* 2 stalks of broccoli - chopped up.
* 6 celery sticks - chopped up.
* 2 big ol’ leeks - chopped up, but only the white / light green parts.
* 1 zucchini - chop chop chop chop. 
* 1/2 a head of purple cabbage - chopmaster Q.
* 1/2 an onion - choppity.

If you don’t have two big bowls full of chopped up stuff by the end of this, you’ve done something wrong.

STEP EIGHT: 

TWO HOURS DONE? OPEN UP THAT REAL BIG PAN AND CHECK IT OUT. Does it look okay? Think about it. Would you eat that? Maybe taste a bit. Don’t be scared.

ADD 1/2 THOSE VEGGIES FROM STEP SEVEN + SOME SUGAR TO NEUTRALIZE THE WINE. You’ll find that 1/2 those veggies are more than enough to overflow your skimpy excuse for a REAL BIG PAN (I should know). Mix up this new stew-thing you have going. Are you proud of yourself? Doesn’t it smell nice? Your mom would be proud. I’m proud! Good job, you!

STEP NINE: 

UTILIZE THOSE OTHER STOVETOP BURNERS. That’s right, take two more pots and pour some of the stewy goodness into them, and supplement those with the other 1/2 your chopped veggies. If you’re doing this right (or actually doing this at all), it will look like you have mowed an entire garden and shoved it onto your flimsy electric stove.

NB: At this point, if you’re not so drunk that you can’t even take a photo of the food you’ve spent the past two hours cooking, I actually have no idea how you even found my blog. 

STEP TEN: 

SIMMER, COVERED AND UNCOVERED for like 30 mins, or however long it takes for your largest bit of potato to be not-raw. 

CONGRATULATIONS! You can now put that stew into 20 or so tiny Ziploc containers, store them in your fridge, and eat them throughout the week. Hopefully the entire 1.5 litres of wine are gone, otherwise I really don’t know what you did for all that time. Maybe you made a lemon meringue pie? Cool! I like those.

wifetown, population: me

delicious veal pizzaiola with rice

delicious pork biryani w/ a side of pork roast and potatoes

delicious everything-in-it stir-fry

paired with a take-photos-of-everything-you-cook steeze.

U MAD?